Wanted : High Definition Hearing

It has been ten months since my cochlear implant was activated on May 17, 2013.   And four months since I have last updated this blog.

I have read many CI blogs, and most people stop updating after about six months.  There is a reason for this: in general, at this point, things tend to level off and you hit the dreaded "plateau".  The CI becomes less of a novelty, and more a part of your everyday life.  You start taking it for granted.  Sounds which you were previously so surprised and overjoyed to hear,  stop being so special.  Then you start focusing on what you can not do.

I continually try to remind myself that I am performing far better than I did with hearing aids.  When I take my CI off, and wear only my remaining hearing aid, I am appalled at the quality of sound.  I am amazed that I was able to survive for over 30 years with the quarks, squarks, and static that my hearing aid emits.   I feel grateful for the CI, and all the auditory milestones I have achieved in the past 10 months.

However, when I have to say "pardon?" yet again, when speech blurs into an incomprehensible mishmash of sound, or when I get that "look" when I have misheard something (hearing impaired folks will know what I mean), I inevitably sink into a pit of negativity.

I was aware going into this that a CI would not be a magic hearing bullet.  However, I still hold out the hope that I will eventually be transformed into a "normal" hearing person.

No such luck.


I am still not able to talk on the phone.  I am still not able to auscultate.  I still have to say "pardon me" a heck of a lot more than I thought I would at this point.  Especially when there is background noise.

Speaking of background noise - paper crumbling, scissors snipping, keyboard keys clacking or beeping drive me up the wall.  These sounds drown out everything else.  My auditory filter is controlled by a computer that doesn't know what is important.  Therefore, I will often become so focused on these noises, that other, far more important sounds (i.e. speech) fade away and become even less distinct.  Like the flip of a switch.

It is difficult for those with normal hearing to understand what I mean when I try to describe why I am still struggling with speech comprehension, especially in the face of background noise.

The best comparison I can come up with is that with my CI, I have upgraded from an old black and white antenna television to an acceptable older colour television.

My hearing before May 17, 2013

Right now, my CI offers far more definition, colour and clarity then my hearing aid ever did.  However, I still have a long way to go before I will be able to hear in high definition.

The picture on the left (full HD) is what normal hearing represents - sharply defined furniture, curtains, and a creepy guy standing on the other side of the window.

The picture on the right (analog) is what my current CI hearing represents - you can still see the outlines and colour of the dresser, the lamp, the curtains, and the person standing on the other side of the window.  But, you just don't pick up on the same amount of detail.  You might think the creepy person is a woman....it's hard to tell.  So you have to spend time guessing whether it is a man or woman based on the outline of the features, the length of the hair etc.  You can tell the lamp is yellow with a white shade, but you can't see that it is actually made up of transparent glass (but you might have guessed), and that the shade has seams.  You simply do not have access to the details that HD has to offer.

Then imagine rubbing your eyes, straining, getting your face closer to the picture to try and make it clearer.  No matter how hard you try or how long you stare, you aren't going to have any luck figuring out if that creepy person is a man or a woman.  Frustrating isn't it?  Just be grateful that you can see the creepy person in the first place :).

Background noise is like the "static" that sometimes happens when there is bad weather that clouds the quality of the digital television signal.  It makes the picture even more blurry and difficult to see - especially when you are dealing with an out of date model.

In short, I am one greedy audiophile.  Now that I have a taste of what I am missing, I want more.  I want that beautiful, big screen high definition HD television that everyone else owns.

When I am struggling, some people will ask me when I am next going to see my audiologist at Sunnybrook for an adjustment (called a "mapping").  I too, am guilty of assuming that you can turn some dials, press some buttons, and the picture will become clearer.  This question is frustrating on many levels.   I interpret it as "why can't you just get that fixed!"....like it is a TV that needs to be repaired.

Unfortunately, while it might help - at the end of the day, it takes time and practice for the signal to clear - for the brain to unscramble things.  It may never happen.  So, in the meantime, I need to try and focus on what I CAN do, instead of what I can't.

Oprah Winfrey once said:

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more.  If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."

How true this this?  To end on a positive note, I thought I would list my top 4 favourite sounds:

1. Running water.

2. My cats purring.

3.  Hearing and actually understanding my 2 year old nephew talking.

Yay!

4. All the new artists that I have been introduced to since my CI.  I am still finding new bands to love daily.  Mumford and Sons, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, Andrew Bird ... all current favourites.  I look forward to finding even more to love.

On that note, I will say that I do not regret for one minute going through with my CI.  It was the best decision I have ever made.  I only wish I had done it sooner!

BUT, I still look forward to getting my hands on that fancy HD TV! :)